Dedication
To his very loving and much esteemed father-in-law, Master George Hunt, pastor of Collingbourne Ducis in Wiltshire, may all happiness be multiplied.
Sir,
Some ten or eleven years ago, I preached a wedding sermon and gave a copy of it to a friend. Last year I discovered that it had been published without my knowledge. This led me to review certain fuller notes on that subject which I had kept by me.
Now that custom has brought this ink-and-paper form of gratitude into practice, the very subject of this treatise invited me to offer it to you. Through you, the Lord has made me indebted for the greatest of all outward blessings: a good wife and a most contented and peaceful married life. Therefore, in this dedicatory letter, allow me, without provoking anyone’s envy, to remind you of the great happiness God has bestowed upon you.
You are the son of a father whom only the deaths of his persecutors and of Queen Mary, whose authority they abused in their persecution, prevented from receiving the most honorable crown of martyrdom. Nothing could prevent him from becoming a blessed confessor. He was imprisoned, condemned to be burned, and prepared for the fire as a testimony to the truth of God. Yet the sheriff’s kindness, in refusing to become an executioner, prevented the Chancellor’s sentence from being carried out. I have often heard you relate this yourself, for you were then old enough to know of your father’s sufferings, though not to understand their cause. Master Foxe also recorded it in his Acts and Monuments, in the account of Richard White and John Hunt. This John Hunt was your father.
Since that time, the Lord of heaven has abundantly fulfilled his promise to your father. Because all his goods had been taken from him and he had endured a long imprisonment during Queen Mary’s reign, his poverty was so great that at his death he had nothing in the world to leave you but his Bible, a most fitting legacy from a confessor to his only son.
But God, who never forgets to show mercy and faithfulness, quickly raised up very kind and faithful friends for you. They were three brothers from the honorable Kingsmill family in Hampshire: Master Roger, Master John, and Master George Kingsmill, if I remember their names correctly, as I have heard you gratefully recall them. Immediately after your father’s death, freely and through their own effort and expense, they arranged for your education at Merchant Taylors’ School in London. Afterward they supported you at the renowned Magdalen College in Oxford until, through their favor, they had first secured you a college scholarship, called a demyship, and then a fellowship in that worthy foundation.
Finally, they did not cease their efforts until one of them had bestowed upon you the parish post where you have now served for nearly forty years. You have rendered such good service to God and his Church in the work of the ministry that all who fear God, whose testimony alone deserves regard, speak of you with affection and respect.
You yourself enjoy the blessedness of a moderate estate, which is better than a monarchy. You have neither been overfilled with too much nor restricted by too little, but have found that golden mean for which the wise man prayed. Only those who possess it, and who also have enough wisdom to be content with it, as you have had, know what it means to live happily in this world.
I now bless God, who, without my knowing it, directed my choice to the house and lineage of one who desired martyrdom and became a confessor in deed. If we were not earthly minded, we would know that these titles far surpass those of barons, lords, and knights. They convey a truer nobility and honor, and a more excellent profit and benefit to their descendants, than any of the titles that the foolish world, seeing only with the eye of sense, applauds and admires more highly.
I therefore also send you these few lines as thanks for educating for me, and bestowing upon me, a most excellent and virtuous wife. Solomon, who was wise enough to know the proper value of all things, places her worth far above all the richest pearls and jewels in the world.
I have done this all the more readily because I have been better able to show what a good wife should do by seeing the whole duty of a wife performed for me daily and continually in my own house, with as much completeness as mortality can afford. I could therefore most easily portray what is before my eyes every hour.
May the Lord of heaven bless you with a prosperous and happy old age. May he remember his promise to show mercy to thousands of those who love him and keep his commandments, especially those who are ready to give their lives to the flames rather than consent to the practice of Roman idolatry.
And so, with all the heartiest acknowledgments of my debt to you that a letter can convey, I most affectionately take my leave, remaining always
Your son-in-law, to be commanded in all things, as your natural son,
William Whately.
Chastity
To keep ourselves from losing the thread for lack of order, I must arrange these duties under their several kinds and headings, for the benefit of both my memory and yours. They are of two sorts: principal duties and less principal duties. By principal duties I mean those that belong to the very essence and existence of matrimony. The less principal duties concern only its well-being. A breach of the former dissolves the bond; a breach of the latter only disturbs the relationship. If the principal duties are violated, the obligation is void and the covenant nullified. If they are observed, then despite imperfections in lesser matters, the bond remains intact, though there may still be a world of unhappiness on both sides.
There are only two principal duties: chastity and due benevolence. The married must restrain themselves from all other persons and give themselves to each other.
Let us begin with the first. The covenant made between spouses makes it utterly unlawful for either of them, for any reason or at any time while the covenant remains in force, to give his or her body to anyone else in all the world. Scripture therefore calls everyone else strange flesh. Every man is a stranger to a married woman, and every woman to a married man, except the person’s own spouse. For this reason Solomon advises a husband concerning the one wife of his youth: “Let her breasts satisfy thee continually.” He then asks, “For why, my son, shouldest thou embrace the bosom of a stranger?” (Prov 5:19-20). Might he not likewise have said, “For why, my daughter, shouldest thou allow a stranger to embrace thy bosom?”
Indeed, this duty is so evident that no one can plead ignorance of it. The law of God, the law of nature, and the laws of every well-ordered society command it. It is written in every person’s heart, and everyone must read it in his own conscience unless long persistence in willful sin has entirely blinded him.
Was marriage not appointed to prevent sexual immorality? How, then, could sexual immorality be tolerated among married people? Is this not contrary to the very purpose of people living separately in families? Does it not utterly overthrow the orderly society of a commonwealth? Does it not reduce human beings to the savage condition of brute creatures, among whom scarcely any offspring can know its father?
Indeed, has not the Lord threatened it fiercely in his Word? “Whoremongers and adulterers God will judge” (Heb 13:4). “This is a fire that will root out all a man’s increase” (Job 31:12). It will bring such a blot upon his name that it shall never be taken away, and it shall consume his flesh and body with loathsome diseases (Prov 6:33; Prov 5:11). It will bring hardness upon the heart, ruin upon one’s estate, and at last damnation upon the soul, for no adulterer shall inherit the kingdom of heaven, as the apostle says (1 Cor 6:9).
Indeed, this is a capital crime. As it dissolves the union between married people, so it deserves that the union between the offender’s soul and body should be dissolved. For the sake of filthy pleasure, the offender willingly ventures to trample underfoot the authority of God and humanity, together with all government.
The law is explicit on this matter: “If a man find a married woman in a town,” where she might have obtained help against his violence if she had cried out, “and lie with her, they shall both be put to death” (Deut 22:23). For my part, I see no reason why this law should not bind every Christian magistrate to enforce it properly, just as it bound the Jews. Laws prescribing punishment for moral offenses are necessary appendages of the moral law, and therefore must reasonably extend to everyone whom the law itself binds. Each of the Ten Commandments binds the magistrate to punish its violator with an appropriate punishment, just as it binds everyone else not to violate it. No punishment should be considered appropriate or proportionate except that which the Lord himself has shown in his Word that he considers so.
Let anyone show why adultery should be considered less sinful for a Christian than for a Jew. If the sin is as great, and even greater, among Christians, can any understanding person imagine that its punishment should be lighter in our time than in theirs?
As I have already indicated, this sin unties the marriage knot and nullifies the covenant first made because it breaks that covenant so openly. The injured party is therefore released from the law of his or her husband or wife and may choose whether to receive back such a treacherous and unfaithful spouse. Our Savior utterly rejects divorces arising from other quarrels, yet plainly permits divorce in the case of adultery (Matt 19:9).
But someone may ask whether the injured party may lawfully receive the offender back after the offense becomes known. I answer that if offenders, whether they were overcome by temptation or perhaps sinned presumptuously, show by evident signs of repentant sorrow a true desire to amend and a settled purpose to reform, it is very fitting that their spouses should forgive even this offense. The greatest love ought to bury the greatest wrongs, so far as God does not forbid those wrongs to be buried. We read of no commandment requiring the injured person to make the separation final. The exceptionally fervent and abundant love appropriate to married people should therefore enable them to overlook even this most grievous and inexcusable injury.
But I say again that if the guilty party persists impenitently in the transgression and proves to be beyond reform, the injured party is bound in conscience, if the offense can be proved, both to complain of the sin and to withdraw from the sinner. That person should seek, in an orderly manner, to be separated from one who lives so disorderly. For why would our Savior permit divorce on this ground if he did not intend it to be used in such a case?
Therefore, let all married people resolve that chastity is a chief part of their duty. Whatever their conduct may have been before marriage, once they have made this covenant, they must never allow any strength of desire or force of enticement to make them forget so profoundly the commandment of God, the laws of their country, the light of their conscience, their marriage covenant, the person of their spouse, the honor of their bodies, and the safety of their souls. They must not offend God, disobey the magistrate, scandalize the church, wrong their spouse, pollute their bodies, and damn their souls merely to obtain a brief, momentary, impure, brutish, and sensual pleasure, or to satisfy a foolish, sinful, shameful, unreasonable, and unbridled passion which can never be satisfied in this way. Lust always becomes more tyrannical the more a person yields to it.
This is a burning fire. Let no man or woman try to carry it close to the heart while dreaming of escaping the flames. These are scorching coals. Let no one venture to walk upon them under the false belief that carefulness will keep him safe (Prov 6:27-28). “He that committeth adultery with a woman is destitute of understanding,” says wise Solomon, and “he shall not be innocent that toucheth her” (Prov 6:29, 32). Always keep this judgment in mind. Do not let any temptation cause you to forfeit your innocence and prove yourself a fool.
Everyone will concede that married people ought to live chastely within marriage. Some, however, may plead weakness and say that they would do so if they could, but that they are unable. To them I say that if they are truly willing to perform this duty, it will not be difficult to obtain the power. No directions can reform a willful sinner, but a person who sincerely desires not to sin can be shown how to fulfill that desire. The virtue of chastity may be attained if people desire it so sincerely that they will labor for it carefully.
Before giving directions on this point, one fact must be observed. Some men and women bring their bodies undefiled into marriage, and they will find it easier to remain pure within it. Others have polluted themselves through sexual immorality before entering this estate, and they will discover that marriage has greater difficulty making them honorable afterward. Marriage is like salt, which can preserve wholesome meat from spoiling but cannot restore spoiled meat to its former sweetness.
Those who were stained with uncleanness before marriage must therefore purify themselves from that defilement by frequently confessing and sincerely lamenting their former lewd conduct before God. Otherwise, marriage will never succeed in confining their desires within proper bounds. Repentance, by which I mean acknowledging and lamenting their sin before the Lord in secret and earnestly asking pardon for the sake of Jesus Christ’s merits, will make a foul heart clean. Without repentance, a filthy soul will make marriage itself filthy.
Now let us return to the matter at hand. A person who either comes cleanly into marriage or has sincerely repented of former uncleanness will be strengthened against adultery by practicing the following things.
1. Constancy in Private Religious Exercises
First, a constant and conscientious care in performing private religious exercises, such as reading, praying, meditating, and the like, will purify the heart and sweeten the soul with divine comforts. It will mortify the flesh, strengthen the spirit of grace, and subdue every opposing temptation. By these means a Christian will conquer sins that otherwise seem unconquerable.
This victory cannot be expected while a person permits himself to become negligent and careless in these exercises, much less to omit them entirely for a time. Prayer and meditation will produce wisdom, and wisdom entering the soul will preserve a man from the strange woman who flatters with her lips. The Word of God, digested through prayer and meditation, will be like a sword in the hand of a valiant man, cutting off the heads of these lusts as quickly as they rise against the soul.
A person especially inclined toward this sin must often read and consider those portions of Scripture that condemn, disgrace, and threaten it. He must frequently and seriously reflect upon the grossness, filthiness, and danger of the sin, and he must make particular petitions to God for strength, assistance, and power against it. By arming himself most strongly where he finds himself weakest and most easily wounded, he will be sure to escape these wounds.
2. Diligence in One’s Calling
Second, diligence in one’s calling must divert the mind from every inflaming fantasy. It must provide soul and body alike with so much lawful and useful employment that no leisure remains for pursuing wicked and unlawful thoughts.
It is certain that an idle person, if opportunity and physical constitution permit, will at last become adulterous. But diligent work joined with heartfelt prayer to God will preserve a person, or at least a married person, pure and undefiled. The most amorous member of that whole company of lovers, the poets, recognized and confessed this truth: take idleness away, he says, and lust will have no dart with which to wound.
There is good reason for this. Labor in one’s calling consumes a great part of the surplus nourishment that supplies material for this sin. It directs the blood and spirits elsewhere, so there is no need to seek such an unlawful outlet. It occupies the mind with profitable thoughts and leaves no room for those impure imaginations that inflame the body to commit this enormous crime.
A bird flying continually from place to place defeats the fowler’s attempt to strike it because he cannot take accurate aim while it remains in motion. In the same way, Satan does not know how to make temptations of this kind fasten upon a busy person, by which I mean someone continually occupied with honorable duties. Indeed, the person who keeps within the ways of his calling remains under the guard of angels, who are both willing and able to drive away the impure spirit and prevent it from stirring up impure thoughts within him.
Therefore, let everyone who longs to be free from this offense shun idleness and embrace useful activity. Let him choose an established occupation in which to walk and attend diligently to it. Let his hands, his mind, or both remain employed in something belonging to his vocation. When his particular calling no longer requires his attention or presence, let the works of his general Christian calling, especially the religious exercises already mentioned, occupy his mind and thoughts. In this way he will surely preserve himself from the danger of this wickedness.
3. Temperance in Diet
Third, temperance in diet must be summoned to assist bodily chastity. A fire is easily extinguished by withdrawing its fuel. At least its flames can be kept within the fireplace by adding no more fuel than is needed.
Fullness of bread will make a man a Sodomite, which is to become ten times worse than a beast, but moderation will keep the body undefiled. If Satan and lust attempt to do harm, they will find no material upon which to work. The belly and the groin are near neighbors. Whoever stuffs the one provokes the other, while whoever moderates the former also keeps the latter in proper condition.
When food and drink inflame the blood and spirits, the body becomes more ready to receive the impressions of lust. At the same time, the soul becomes unable to consider any good thing that might repel such impulses. But a body kept from fullness yields more readily to the soul and does not resist good thoughts.
Therefore, let anyone who desires to remain chaste in marriage exercise proper restraint in eating. Let him understand that subduing the body, whose members are the instruments of sensual delights, is a direct means of curtailing those delights.
4. Avoiding Occasions of Sin
Fourth, a person who wishes to remain free from adultery must avoid the corner of the prostitute’s house. If he can choose otherwise, he must not approach the place where someone lives who might cause him to offend. He must resolutely deny himself the company of anyone toward whom his heart is improperly drawn and carefully avoid the places, times, and companions that may entice him.
To accomplish this, he must oppose the first stirrings of wickedness with prayer and cut down sinful inclinations while they are still green. Our Savior counsels us to pluck out the eye and cut off the hand, which means mortifying the senses and refusing to allow them to practice any lesser kind of wickedness (Matt 5:29).
After Solomon says that the person who commits adultery lacks understanding, he adds that “he shall not be innocent that toucheth her” (Prov 6:29). Dalliance will inevitably breed sexual immorality, and inappropriate company and circumstances will almost compel a person toward dalliance.
A person must therefore preserve his innocence from the gross act of evil by avoiding every kind of dalliance and every overly familiar gesture that might appear suspicious, suggest an evil intention, or perhaps produce an evil intention where none existed before. To keep himself from touching her, he must flee from her. He must remain far from the edge of the pit that might devour him. “Flee fornication,” says the apostle (1 Cor 6:18). There is no preventing this sin if a person permits himself to associate with those who may entice him and deliberately seeks the places and occasions that invite him to commit it.
Did Joseph not run away from the mistress who solicited him, refusing even to remain in her company? (Gen 39:10, 12). The senses work powerfully in the presence of their objects. By working so powerfully, they hinder the mind from remembering what ought to prevent it from yielding.
If someone tempts himself by going to the place where he may sin, is it any wonder if God punishes that presumption by giving him over to commit the sin? Whoever rushes toward occasions of lust turns away from God and toward lust. Must not God then justly turn away from him and surrender him into lust’s hands?
Therefore, avoid every opportunity for this wickedness with the greatest diligence. Above all, avoid like a dangerous rock the company of any person likely to tempt or be tempted. Remember that even cold water will become hot if it is placed too near the fire.
These directions apply equally to married and unmarried people. The first provides spiritual help, and the last three provide natural helps against this abomination.
5. The Proper Enjoyment of Marriage
One further help remains that is peculiar to married people: the proper and lawful enjoyment of marriage. God’s ordinances do not fail to accomplish the purposes for which he appointed them unless our abuse prevents their operation and effectiveness.
God ordained matrimony to prevent sexual immorality even among those who lack the gift of continence, by which I mean the ability to restrain passions of this kind. Therefore, if marriage is used as it ought to be, married people will not fail to obtain this benefit from it.
The Roman Catholics speak absurdly when they call marriage the sacrament of chastity. Yet we may affirm without error that marriage is an effective means of producing the virtue of chastity in those who conduct themselves properly within it. Understand, therefore, that one principal means of living purely in the married estate is to enjoy it moderately and holily.
I have now shown how you may live honorably despite corrupt nature. Follow these rules, and the marriage bed will be kept pure and honorable. This is enough concerning chastity, one chief duty of married people.
Let us proceed to the second principal duty, which is due benevolence. Notice that what will be said there will also greatly assist this first duty. In considering due benevolence, we must teach the lawful enjoyment of marriage so that you may attain the virtue of purity, which is one special purpose of marriage.
